Struggles of this Homeschooling Mom

Well I am finally starting to blog about this...the whole reason I decided to start blogging.  A few months ago I was struck with the realization that 2 of my 3 girls have a learning disability.  (the 3rd we are not sure about yet).  I had a total emotional break down!  But I figured I needed to start with a little back story!

My husband has ADD/ADHD and is dyslexic.  I have known this for a LONG time.  I have always feared one of my kids would be dyslexic.  Now my middle daughter of course is ADD!  I always tell people she is cursed with the worst traits from both her parents.  She gets her dads ADD and TEMPER (all of you who know me know I have no such temper!  HA)  and she gets my OCD and perfectionism...which is a VERY rough mixture...for everyone in the house :-)  She is a GREAT kid though and VERY loving (she gets that from me!)  I had always thought Logan would be the one who is severe dyslexic.  She was assessed and is dyslexic, but not SEVERE...Like Hunter! 

From all the research I have been doing I have found that dyslexic people are VERY successful and VERY brilliant!  I have also discovered that dyslexia is not a BAD thing.  It is just a different learning style!  They are more creative, and see things 3 dimensionally.  Which to me seems totally cool!  Funny thing is that my husband, a dyslexic, is a 3D graphic artist :-)

Now those of you who know me know I am NOT a creative thinker by any means.  I am not crafty and am VERY logical and black and white kind of thinking (now you probably will never hear me admit this again...and don't tell my husband...although I am sure he knows this!)  I HATED playing dolls and barbies as a kid...making the dolls talk back and forth made absolutely no sense to me...it was totally stupid...they were not actually talking, they are plastic dolls!  So I have NO imagination and NO creativity...so how in the world am I going to help these creative, imaginative kids succeed????

Now, I totally LOVE watching my girls play.  Logan especially!  She totally leaves this world and is transported to her land of unicorns and fairies, and whatever goes on in her head!  I totally envy it at times!  She flies around the room and is oblivious to her surroundings!  Also watching this girl do a puzzle is beyond my capability.  Now..puzzles...doesn't EVERYONE do the edges first?  Then fill in the middle?  That is the way you are SUPPOSED to do it right?  Just common sense...to me :-)  Logan just picks up a piece and looks at the picture and puts the piece where it is supposed to go....then she picks up another piece, looks at the picture and puts it where it is supposed to go!  TOTALLY BLOWS MY MIND!  Logan also does what some call "mirror writing"  where she writes perfectly backward...so if you held it up to the mirror you can read it!  AWESOME!  I am told this is a sign of genius (must be from mom)! 

So, how did I come to these realizations?  And what am I going to do about it?

Well first of all, Hunter (my oldest) just completed 3rd grade.  From all the research, I found 3rd grade is when the symptoms of dyslexia seem to surface.  This past school year she really struggled and we had MANY frustrating days.  I first noticed with math...she would verbally answer 16 but write 61 on her paper.  Then she had a review page...counting by 10's and they gave her the first number...5.  Now she verbally said 5, 15, 25, 35...but she wrote 5, 51, 52, 53...!  Now of course I stopped her and we erased and re-wrote them the correct way (which now I wish I had not done as everyone wants to see her school work)  She also struggled greatly with spelling, which Allan is a HORRIBLE speller, so I just thought she was just going to be a HORRIBLE speller.  I didn't realize spelling had anything to do with dyslexia!  I never really knew what dyslexia was except transposing letters and numbers!

Now Hunter has always struggled with reading from the start.  I would talk to friends and family and everyone would say.."don't worry, one day it will click and she will be fine!"  Which I guess is good advise...I know kids all learn at different times and different levels, but completing 3rd grade, she should be reading MUCH better than she was.  She mixed up a lot of things...was/saw, put/but, resume/remuse, going/doing, ever/never, every/very...!  She also would put words in a sentence that were in different parts of the page, and she never really understood what all she was reading!  She would read 1 page perfectly, then mess up the same words on the next page!  OH YOU CAN'T IMAGINE HOW FRUSTRATING THIS WAS!!!  It was like every time we read it was the first time!  I ended up taking her to the eye doctor thinking maybe it was something with her glasses...and he told me "she is just being lazy, lets just up her prescription and see how she does!"  I told him of my concerns about dyslexia and he really shot me down!

Now after realizing all this of course I was over flooded with guilt!  All the times I yelled at her for not remembering things, and all the frustrations we shared!  I felt SOOOOO guilty :-(   What a HORRIBLE mom I am...or so I felt!  I also struggled with my home schooling methods and abilities.  Satan really knows how to get to me :-(  If 2 of my 3 kids (so far) are having trouble...it MUST be something I am doing, or not doing!  So I was so ready to stick them in school...before I figured out the dyslexia issues.  Of course it would be SO much easier if they were in school, and then if they failed I would have someone else to blame :-)  Perfectly sound thinking right?  LOL...of course Satan will make anything sound right when trying to get you to stray from God's calling!

Now this post seems to be getting lengthy, and I am hoping it all makes sense as I have SO much to talk about :-)  I have started a journal so I won't forget anything and so I will have stuff to show the "professionals" when they want to see things or have questions :-)  I have also started keeping some of Hunter's work...un-corrected!  I am also signed up for a class here in town, Aug. 2 and 3, on different teaching methods.  The lady I have been talking to leads the class, and seems very supportive and helpful.  Very optimistic, which I needed as I started my breakdown!  God really has provided people right when I need them :-)

I still struggle with doubts and fears...James 1:6b for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.  Boy do I feel like that often...back and forth over these fears and feelings.  I just ordered a book from Proverbs 31 Ministries...A Confident Heart...and I am hoping to work on these doubts and such :-)  One would think if you are doing God's will it will all be easy and fall into place...RIGHT!!!!  LOL...I know in the end it will all be worth it...and who better to help my girls than their mom?

I also wanted to add a side note about my husband....He has struggled with ADD/ADHD and dyslexia for a long time.  I see him as an adult struggling still...and I just don't want my girls to have to struggle with this their whole lives!  I want them to be able to overcome these things and lead a fulfilling and successful life...not saying that my husband doesn't lead a fulfilling and successful life(he has me!)...but he struggles daily with these issues!  As a kid in school they just drugged him up with Riddlin and shoved him in a corner!  How sad!  I know the medication does help people, but they never took the time to HELP Allan :-(  I am praying this class will give me the tools to help my girls, but also Allan!